enough

I will not be a slave to me
I will live by the creed my mind has set before me
My choice is now
The change is even closer
Mind screaming
Broken
Cracked
Splintered
For worth
For who?
I know what I am
Beyond the recesses of thought
That my mind doesn’t not comprehend
But attempts to bestow upon me
As truth.
Falsehood beat into me
Lies secured within me
Solidified as crystalline
Truth
Preaching a gospel
I myself have been unable to follow
My scripture is my own
My day of reckoning is now
I will no longer be a slave
And I will burn the master
Every truth unfounded
Every certainty, no better than chance
Regaining my world
Finding what’s real
Experience without planning
Loving without trying
Giving back what I took so long ago
All of it
Strength
Love
Thirst
Freedom
Myself
Reclaimed
Change will come with time
Change will come with experience
Change will come
Force of change in my mind
Is leading to destruction
I understand my flaws
But I will not be guided by them
And they are not mine to give
Only mine to let go.
I want to cry with joy
With passion
With love
With honesty
It has been so long
Since I have seen me
A little dusty
A little worn
Time to stop trying
And wake up.

worth.

Counted in time
Or counted in dollars
By the respect of others
Or a families approval
The gifts you give
The shit you buy
What is enough?
What amount renders us content?
What volume is enough?
When will your worth
Be enough that you are worthy?
Perhaps when you search your pockets
And discover your worth has faded
Bits of dust and grit
All the dirty bits
Pieces of friendships
Parts of dreams
All left in the wake
Of you searching for worth
Searching for you
In the deepest recess
A glint, shimmer or tinge
Amongst all the leftover scrap
You can find change
The smallest bit of change
This change is now a fortune
When worth is lost
A bit of change
Use it
Invest it
Give it
Or allow yourself to search
Search for more change
Allow change from yourself
Be the richest of souls.

Soon i will speak again.

Soon I will speak again
It used to be so simple
When we kissed…
It was if my words were stolen
Hidden from me
I search for the right ones but…
You took them…squandered them
How dare you…
I used to be able to speak quickly
Speak forever
About anything
I still can
I still will
but at the moment...I am thinking for you
I will tell you how I care
I will tell you how I smile
I will tell you…
My words get fumbled now
But they will come back
It’s a little hard to concentrate
But it will come back
I know I am gone for the moment
But I will be back

I will hold you
And show you how I care
I will kiss you
And show you how I smile
I will be with you
And soon
I will speak again.

Then i found you

I live in a place of chaotic control where the lines blur and the reality becomes overexposed hues of past experiences overlaid upon my present views. Striving for understanding of my past and acceptance of the uncertainty that lies in my future while pushing to find the here in the now that shapes my will. I have a become a linguistic threat, a fact firing tool that has performed with the intelligent and shut down the silver tongues that shined to quickly. Learning to find the love and hate in almost everything, seeing the passion, humility, soul, and unknown in myself to the point that I take what I am shown as what is rather than what I wish or want. My power of destruction and defense within the words I have riddled not once considering ruthless ramifications of what has fallen from my lips. Never at a loss, minimum, unwilling, or loss to give a opinion to those who challenge my thought possess of a origin I neither know or understand. I am my words, my worth, my power, my love, my truth.

Then I found you

I forgot what it was like to be listen, forgot what it was like to hear, remembered what it was like to learn, rediscovered what it was like to teach, found the power of expression, felt the exuberance of acceptance, heard the word of truth, touched
what I never knew existed, all without saying word.

You said you adored me, I was touched

You said you thought of me, I thought I was dreaming

You said it was good to hear my voice, I was home

You said you needed to kiss me, I felt your soul


To my own mind…I stopped listening.

Be

Melting into my arms
About to close a door
Or possibly open one wide open
A heartbeat against mine
Racing thoughts fade suddenly
There before me is a opportunity
A moment in time
Anticipated countless times
Acted upon never
Her lips on mine
The deepening of her chest
I hold her close
She never tries to leave
She stays in my arms
I trace her face with my hand
Like touching a dream
The only one I can remember
She smiles
I’m afraid
But I don’t care
I will be whatever this is
I will be.

the next one

Its happened all before
Its nothing new
Watching the door close
Hearing the footsteps fade
Sinking into my mind
Guarding me from me
I have never asked much
But perhaps that is still too much
The so close
The not quite
The crossed line
The more real I get
The farther they seem
I can be me for me
If I wish to remain me with me
I don’t know what to offer
I don’t know what to give
I have exhausted all that I know as me
Nothing left nothing left
Seemingly forever searching
For the next one that will say goodbye

last words

The last of crystalline truth drains from my glass
words I have never said ring in my ears
The reality of time opens before me
Everyone of those moments make me smile
Words shared show me life
Standing before me in a fascinating package
Amazing without knowing
Kindness without trying
I don’t want much
But I do want
My book is open to those I endear
My footnotes I keep hidden
But no longer will I fear what I do not possess
Truth shall be accepted or forgot
But it will be true
It will be free
I will be true to me
I will be real for her.